2012

            2012.

 The New Year will be reined in tonight.  I’ve chosen a single word to base my entire year off of. 

Beautiful.

 My goal is to see, and write about, the world’s beauty.  I’d like to also focus on individuals’ unique beauty, as well as come to terms with the fact that my own natural beauty is from God, and therefore must be suitable for Him.

                I’d like to start with my inspiration.

 I met someone, on a trip I recently took with Girl Scouts.  I was strangely fascinated with her the moment I saw her.  I spent the next few days getting to know her.  She is very unique, very comfortable with herself, and her form of beauty astounds me still.  While our beliefs are slightly differently, I respect her very much.  She has a close knit family, and I can see in those huge green/blue/gray glass eyes that she yearns to bring them happiness.  Her heart is golden, and she treats everyone equally.  She wears no makeup; her hair falls natural and remains her natural color.  As I got to know there was a slight envy in my heart, because I wanted people to see me the way I see her.  She is slightly clumsy, awkward, and it all adds to her undying charisma.  She makes people laugh, and her aura lures people in, leading her to be well-loved.  She inspired me.  She inspired me to see the beauty in everyone, in everything, and most of all to find myself.  So I did, I tried hard to decide who I was and what my dreams were, and after a troubling night I decided it wasn’t my decision.  As I gave everything to God, I became confident in who I am.  I realize now, that me and this girl, we are very different in almost every way, but that doesn’t mean that one is beautiful and the other isn’t.  It simply means our beauty is expressed differently.  I will never forget her, because I intend on allowing her to be my lifelong inspiration to be myself, and to never try to be anything else.  She impacted my life in a way nobody has in a long time.  All-in-all I’ve learned that every single person has a story, something that has created who they are now, and every single person has the choice to keep writing, to create a better version than who they are now. 

Thank you, Rebecca Elizabeth Statum, for changing my life. 

Even the little things count.

P.S. you’re not only phenomenal and stellar,

 but also

BEAUTIFUL.

Forcefull

Maybe it’s not our job to force anything. Jesus went out, and he shared all the good news, and he told of the truth of God, but he never once forced himself upon anyone. He went out and offered the truth, and if you chose to pursue it then so be it. It was an option, as it should remain an option.
Yes, I stand strong in the word of God as what I believe in, and I will continue to be as open as I please on that fact. I am different, I am myself as God has made me, but I do not wish to make anyone feel forced or pressured to choose the path I walk along. 
God created us in His image, and though sin has disrupted what was originally perfect, He made beauty out of the destruction. Satan gave glory to God through his attempt to bring Him down. God took the imperfection, and gave us free will. We have option to believe whatever we wish. This in turn brings God more glory than ever, to choose Him through the blinding yet deceiving glare of sin that engulfs out world.
I wrap this up to share my personal opinion. I believe we will reach more people through the grace of God by simply maintaining our witness and being what you claim to believe. No one wants to be less, they want to be respected. In turn, they will respect you and your opinions. So let’s focus more on who we are and where we stand rather than turn up our nose and make people feel pressured to reach your level.
Thank you for reading this far, and God bless.

Example

Walking the streets of my small town, all I knew to do was wonder. No one is who they say they are, but everyone knows who you are. Nothing is ever quite right, but no one can ever do wrong. Humans, we live in a constant paradox. 
I see every soul walk by, and their faces each portray the truth they hide. We all hide. We’re ashamed of who we are. Yes, we’re flawed and filled with repulsive sin; but my God, our God, created each of us in his very own image. He knew what He wanted, and maybe that’s not exactly what you think you want, but God knows you better than you know yourself.
For every hidden person, every hurting person, for every paradox, flaw, and second-guess, you are no mistake. Find comfort in what you stand on rather than who you think you are. 
“’ All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever.’ And this word is the good news that was preached to you. 1 Peter 1:24-25”
Maybe my words are filled with inspiration or the grammatical correctness of a professional author or a top blog, but I am simply myself and that’s all I can be.
I end my sporadic inspiration encouraging you to find the hidden souls and be an example. Embrace yourself for who God has made you and follow His path to reach points in your life you would never believe. You may be different, and it won’t be easy, but stand up for who you are and what you stand in. Watching the examples in my life helped me find who I am and what I believe in.
If you’ve made it this far I’d like to say thank you for bearing through my amateur writing style, and I hope you’ve made something out of it.
God Bless.

My day

I spent my day with my boyfriend, david kent layton's, mom and sister.we shopped, ate pizza, and went to the movies.  After we got back, me and david ate at huddle house and drove through Christmas in the park.  There I saw one fixture of soldiers dying trying to hold up our nations flag.  This made me wonder, our nation once stood for God, died for our nation to be grounded in God, yet we are so far from Him.  it makes me wonder, where are we and how did we get here? 
This was my thought of the day.
-adm

imperfect beauty

Here I am; Human, imperfect, and beautiful. 

Beauty.  The definitions are endless.

Webster’s dictionary says this: beau’ty n., pl. –ties  1 pleasing quality as in looks, sound, etc.  2 person or thing of beauty

Webster’s thesaurus says this: beautiful a. lovely, attractive, appealing, comely, pleasing, pretty, fair, fine, nice, dainty, good-looking, delightful, charming, enticing, fascinating, admirable, rich, graceful, ideal, delicate, refined, elegant, symmetrical, well-formed, shapely, well-made, splendid, gorgeous, brilliant, radiant, exquisite, dazzling, resplendent, magnificent, superb, marvelous, wonderful, grand, awe-inspiring, imposing, majestic, excellent, impressive, handsome, divine, blooming, rosy, beauteous, statuesque, well-favored, bewitching, personable, taking, alluring, slender, svelte, lissome, lithe, bright-eyed, classy*, easy on the eyes*, long on looks*, built*. -Ant. Ugly, deformed, hideous.

According to Webster, very few things don’t fall into the category of beautiful. To be exact, beautiful has 64 synonyms versus 3 antonyms.  Even the words you’ll find as antonyms could very possibly still hold features that could be considered beautiful.

Why do we thrive on negativity?  Why do we look past all 64 synonyms of beautiful to only see the three antonyms?  Often times we make things up to be ugly, and deformed, and hideous, but in all actuality everything holds beauty of some sort.  We are wonderfully made and carefully created by the hands of God.  He gave us His very breath!  Why do we allow Satan to attract us to everything ugly and deformed and hideous? 

I am imperfect, I am ugly, I am deformed, and I am hideous.

I am beautiful, I am lovely, I am attractive, I am appealing, I am comely, I am pleasing, I am pretty, I am fair, I am fine, I am nice, I am dainty, I am good-looking, I am delightful, I am charming, I am enticing, I am fascinating, I am admirable, I am rich, I am graceful, I am ideal, I am delicate, I am refined, I am exquisite, I am dazzling, I am resplendent, I am magnificent, I am superb, I am marvelous, I am wonderful, I am grand, I am awe-inspiring, I am imposing, I am majestic, I am excellent, I am impressive, I am handsome, I am divine, I am blooming, I am rosy, I am beauteous, I am statuesque, I am well-favored, I am bewitching, I am personable, I am taking, I am alluring, I am slender, I am svelte, I am lissome, I am lithe, I am bright-eyed, I am classy, I am easy on the eyes, I am long on looks, and I am built. 

It may not be in the common sense or exact definition of the word, but by the glory of God alone.

And so are you.

We are human. We are imperfect. We are beautiful.

Say it out loud, and proclaim the truths given to you by an almighty creator.

---andriadawn---

off track

Everyone’s laughter encased her as salt-infested tears attempted to drown this frail 17-year-old girl.  Shiny red hair hung limply around a pale freckled-face.  The world slowly became a blur and Sam’s weak knees buckled under.  Crawling backwards in a pitiful attempt to escape, she found herself in the male, teachers’ bathroom. 
            This bathroom was rarely used, and seemed unusually tidy.  In her bare bra and underwear, she curled into the fetal position.  It was the high school’s break time, and the bell would ring for third period soon.  She heard the chatter of her peers outside and tears began to crash harder.  They didn’t understand, they didn’t know.  All they were aware of was finding her, with him, and her clothes on the floor.  They hadn’t a clue.

Sam had made it to senior year unnoticed, so what had gone wrong?  She fell for it.  She fell for him.  How could she lose sight of her logic?  What had happened to her morals?  Who was she, and how had she gotten to this point?  

Like a movie reel, she bean to play everything through her mind.  It was her life story from the beginning of senior year.  She remembered everything with vivid perception, and in detailed hue.

Dr. Kendrick asked her to stay late her seventh period class.  He mention an error on her English report, said it could pass or fail her.  Solemnly she nodded, hoping no one would look back at her. 

She was rather tall and thin with a small frame.  Her red hair fell how it wanted to, and her face held the perfect complexion.  She was invisible around her high school, but her beauty was unmistakable.  She had fell in hate with her body though, and wished to remain invisible.

  Standing quietly at Dr. Kendrick’s desk every student fled at the bell.  Sam lived close and was in no rush to return to her house or her family.  Her professor stood and shut the door, the lock clicked loudly.  “You can sit in my chair.”  He gestured and she silently obeyed.  Her big green eyes watched as he sat on the top of his desk in front of her and smiled. 

He had a rugged handsomeness that had always charmed her.  She recalled his rough steady hand on her face, and the oddness of his lips against hers.  Everything happened so quickly, and his interest made her feel beautiful.

This slowly became a routine, every afternoon she stayed late to “work on my paper.”  She recited endlessly to her parents, who she guessed didn’t care much anyway.  With a sheet over her large dresser mirror, she danced around her room.  This affair was all her own, and no one had to know.

Life became a blur of a routine, but she fit, and that’s what mattered.  Completely numb, she felt his body against hers, and she felt like a person.  She didn’t know herself, but she thought that he did. 

Weeks went by, and her grades got better.  She was quiet, brilliant, and whether she perceived it or not, gorgeous.  Everything was content, and her after school affair grew to become anytime they were alone.  Nothing ever happened between them other than intense make out sessions.  She was too self-conscience, too afraid.

Her thin lips received a smile, as she was called into his room before break, during lunch, or after school.  No one noticed their interest in each other, no one thought twice about their constant interaction. 

She soon found her way to his apartment, and her own home was rarely an option of residency.  Her career-consumed parents figured she was old enough to make her own decisions, seeing as she had made all the right ones until now.  Seventeen, and newly devious, she felt a rush as she lived in the sin she created.  Unfortunately, they both grew careless as they got away with every minute of it.

The door was unlocked, it was break, and she had finally decided to go farther than she ever had before.  Her clothes came off, and his lips were everywhere but on hers.  A loud knock, the door knob twisted, and there stood one of his students astounded by the sight.  Everyone in the hall way stopped to stare and as the tears unwillingly poured out of her eyes she grabbed her clothes and ran.

In the middle of the break area she was exposed, and her knees gave out.  Laughter encased her and all she could do was crawl backwards.  What on earth had she done to herself? 

Days later, it was graduation.  She had spent hours in the principal’s office talking to everyone who needed every detail to fire Dr. Kendrick and charge him with whatever it was they wished to charge him with.  She was lost inside herself all over again, and every memory with him was blurred and disgusting.  Her parents didn’t even dare get involved; she’d be on her own soon enough.

Cap and gown, her name was called, a few steps across the stage, she stood in shame.  She had to fix herself, she had to cleanse herself, and she had to be more than what these people expected out of her.  The ceremony closed out and she avoided most picture opts.  She had a mission, and she needed to leave.

Running across town, diploma in hand, she skidded into a church parking lot.  Tear stained face; she had reached her last hope.  There were stories of a God who creates with purpose, and loves unconditionally, one who destroyed in order to grow a civilization with more potential, and a God that could never be understood but would always forgive and cleanse and love and save. 

That was a God Sam needed, a God that saves.  Solemnly she walked through the doors and to the altar.  Who knew what would come next, she only knew it would be above expectation.

---andriadawn---

Time

                365 days in a year.  Twelve months in a year.  Weeks, days, months, years, decades, millenniums… timeframe…  Time binds us to a world we define as reality.  Who are we to define reality?  Time is of this world, but reality was here long before we were. 

                Simply because you do not understand something doesn’t make is unreal, or impossible.  In fact it makes it all the more possible!  You yourself are a complex creation, so much so that man cannot create a life form like us without existing life.  Now, if even we can’t understand ourselves, surely there is so much more beyond our comprehension.

                Follow me now, time is controlling, it makes up our materialistic life.  Now, what you see, hear, taste, feel, and smell, you define this as “real”.  Allow me to explain, real is beyond you and me.  There is a spiritual world, one we run from due to lack of understanding, this is true reality.  It was here before us, had a hand in creating us, and in the scheme of eternity, we will belong to it regardless of your personal beliefs. 

                How do we know?  How can we be sure?  Now that’s the beauty behind it all.  It’s called faith, believing without knowing.  Not knowing until after you step out and take the chance of being wrong.  It’s believing in more than yourself, more than time, more than the world around you.  Not in search of comfort, or conformity, or acceptance, but a step to changing lives, and seeing the true reality behind it all.  Time is nothing but a frame of mind to stabilize our Godless lives, because God knows no time.

                You doubt, as you’re expected to.  We only know reality as what surrounds us, what we’re familiar with.  Step out of the concept of time, and what your senses recognize, listen to your heart, and decide, will that step of faith harm anything?  What is reality?  Who are you, and is time the center of your life?

-andriadawn