imperfect beauty

Here I am; Human, imperfect, and beautiful. 

Beauty.  The definitions are endless.

Webster’s dictionary says this: beau’ty n., pl. –ties  1 pleasing quality as in looks, sound, etc.  2 person or thing of beauty

Webster’s thesaurus says this: beautiful a. lovely, attractive, appealing, comely, pleasing, pretty, fair, fine, nice, dainty, good-looking, delightful, charming, enticing, fascinating, admirable, rich, graceful, ideal, delicate, refined, elegant, symmetrical, well-formed, shapely, well-made, splendid, gorgeous, brilliant, radiant, exquisite, dazzling, resplendent, magnificent, superb, marvelous, wonderful, grand, awe-inspiring, imposing, majestic, excellent, impressive, handsome, divine, blooming, rosy, beauteous, statuesque, well-favored, bewitching, personable, taking, alluring, slender, svelte, lissome, lithe, bright-eyed, classy*, easy on the eyes*, long on looks*, built*. -Ant. Ugly, deformed, hideous.

According to Webster, very few things don’t fall into the category of beautiful. To be exact, beautiful has 64 synonyms versus 3 antonyms.  Even the words you’ll find as antonyms could very possibly still hold features that could be considered beautiful.

Why do we thrive on negativity?  Why do we look past all 64 synonyms of beautiful to only see the three antonyms?  Often times we make things up to be ugly, and deformed, and hideous, but in all actuality everything holds beauty of some sort.  We are wonderfully made and carefully created by the hands of God.  He gave us His very breath!  Why do we allow Satan to attract us to everything ugly and deformed and hideous? 

I am imperfect, I am ugly, I am deformed, and I am hideous.

I am beautiful, I am lovely, I am attractive, I am appealing, I am comely, I am pleasing, I am pretty, I am fair, I am fine, I am nice, I am dainty, I am good-looking, I am delightful, I am charming, I am enticing, I am fascinating, I am admirable, I am rich, I am graceful, I am ideal, I am delicate, I am refined, I am exquisite, I am dazzling, I am resplendent, I am magnificent, I am superb, I am marvelous, I am wonderful, I am grand, I am awe-inspiring, I am imposing, I am majestic, I am excellent, I am impressive, I am handsome, I am divine, I am blooming, I am rosy, I am beauteous, I am statuesque, I am well-favored, I am bewitching, I am personable, I am taking, I am alluring, I am slender, I am svelte, I am lissome, I am lithe, I am bright-eyed, I am classy, I am easy on the eyes, I am long on looks, and I am built. 

It may not be in the common sense or exact definition of the word, but by the glory of God alone.

And so are you.

We are human. We are imperfect. We are beautiful.

Say it out loud, and proclaim the truths given to you by an almighty creator.

---andriadawn---

off track

Everyone’s laughter encased her as salt-infested tears attempted to drown this frail 17-year-old girl.  Shiny red hair hung limply around a pale freckled-face.  The world slowly became a blur and Sam’s weak knees buckled under.  Crawling backwards in a pitiful attempt to escape, she found herself in the male, teachers’ bathroom. 
            This bathroom was rarely used, and seemed unusually tidy.  In her bare bra and underwear, she curled into the fetal position.  It was the high school’s break time, and the bell would ring for third period soon.  She heard the chatter of her peers outside and tears began to crash harder.  They didn’t understand, they didn’t know.  All they were aware of was finding her, with him, and her clothes on the floor.  They hadn’t a clue.

Sam had made it to senior year unnoticed, so what had gone wrong?  She fell for it.  She fell for him.  How could she lose sight of her logic?  What had happened to her morals?  Who was she, and how had she gotten to this point?  

Like a movie reel, she bean to play everything through her mind.  It was her life story from the beginning of senior year.  She remembered everything with vivid perception, and in detailed hue.

Dr. Kendrick asked her to stay late her seventh period class.  He mention an error on her English report, said it could pass or fail her.  Solemnly she nodded, hoping no one would look back at her. 

She was rather tall and thin with a small frame.  Her red hair fell how it wanted to, and her face held the perfect complexion.  She was invisible around her high school, but her beauty was unmistakable.  She had fell in hate with her body though, and wished to remain invisible.

  Standing quietly at Dr. Kendrick’s desk every student fled at the bell.  Sam lived close and was in no rush to return to her house or her family.  Her professor stood and shut the door, the lock clicked loudly.  “You can sit in my chair.”  He gestured and she silently obeyed.  Her big green eyes watched as he sat on the top of his desk in front of her and smiled. 

He had a rugged handsomeness that had always charmed her.  She recalled his rough steady hand on her face, and the oddness of his lips against hers.  Everything happened so quickly, and his interest made her feel beautiful.

This slowly became a routine, every afternoon she stayed late to “work on my paper.”  She recited endlessly to her parents, who she guessed didn’t care much anyway.  With a sheet over her large dresser mirror, she danced around her room.  This affair was all her own, and no one had to know.

Life became a blur of a routine, but she fit, and that’s what mattered.  Completely numb, she felt his body against hers, and she felt like a person.  She didn’t know herself, but she thought that he did. 

Weeks went by, and her grades got better.  She was quiet, brilliant, and whether she perceived it or not, gorgeous.  Everything was content, and her after school affair grew to become anytime they were alone.  Nothing ever happened between them other than intense make out sessions.  She was too self-conscience, too afraid.

Her thin lips received a smile, as she was called into his room before break, during lunch, or after school.  No one noticed their interest in each other, no one thought twice about their constant interaction. 

She soon found her way to his apartment, and her own home was rarely an option of residency.  Her career-consumed parents figured she was old enough to make her own decisions, seeing as she had made all the right ones until now.  Seventeen, and newly devious, she felt a rush as she lived in the sin she created.  Unfortunately, they both grew careless as they got away with every minute of it.

The door was unlocked, it was break, and she had finally decided to go farther than she ever had before.  Her clothes came off, and his lips were everywhere but on hers.  A loud knock, the door knob twisted, and there stood one of his students astounded by the sight.  Everyone in the hall way stopped to stare and as the tears unwillingly poured out of her eyes she grabbed her clothes and ran.

In the middle of the break area she was exposed, and her knees gave out.  Laughter encased her and all she could do was crawl backwards.  What on earth had she done to herself? 

Days later, it was graduation.  She had spent hours in the principal’s office talking to everyone who needed every detail to fire Dr. Kendrick and charge him with whatever it was they wished to charge him with.  She was lost inside herself all over again, and every memory with him was blurred and disgusting.  Her parents didn’t even dare get involved; she’d be on her own soon enough.

Cap and gown, her name was called, a few steps across the stage, she stood in shame.  She had to fix herself, she had to cleanse herself, and she had to be more than what these people expected out of her.  The ceremony closed out and she avoided most picture opts.  She had a mission, and she needed to leave.

Running across town, diploma in hand, she skidded into a church parking lot.  Tear stained face; she had reached her last hope.  There were stories of a God who creates with purpose, and loves unconditionally, one who destroyed in order to grow a civilization with more potential, and a God that could never be understood but would always forgive and cleanse and love and save. 

That was a God Sam needed, a God that saves.  Solemnly she walked through the doors and to the altar.  Who knew what would come next, she only knew it would be above expectation.

---andriadawn---