Fall Arives

Mmmm.
Cool mornings,
cooler evenings,
sweaters,
colored leaves that fall,
seasonal depression,
colds,
runny noses,
AMAZING inspiration.

God moves me in the fall weather,
the season I struggle the most,
transitioning from happy sunny skies,
to the sad cool breeze.

In my weakness,
He is made strong.
My struggles bring out the best in me,
and I feel like a writer again.

Yes,
I am a writer.
One day,
I will be a published writer.
I am determined.

Dreams,
for me they never end.
They grow,
and they multiply.
I know exactly what I want,
I WILL get it.

Today,
words have consumed me,
meaningless,
leading no where,
and here I am,
sharing them,
wasting your time.

I apologize for that.
Quick update,
I have become less concerned with my body,
further away from my eating disorder,
but the most triggering time of the year is sneaking up,
so please,
prayer warriors,
pray strong.

College is bearable.
Life is continuing.
I just believe I can do more than this.
I am more than this.

Stay blessed,
stay reading,
there is much better to come,
I promise!

Thank you for your eyes and time.
-andriadawn

I lied

I said you never get over an eating disorder entirely.
I lied.
God can do anything,
everything.
What I was implying,
You can recover,
no doubt,
but there are always triggers.
You have to fight that,
you have to chose to fall back or stand strong.

My fault is how easily I fall back.
Its not a pill you can take,
you don't get well or get over it,
you fight a brutal war,
you set your ship to sail,
and when the wind starts to tip you over,
you adjust your sails.

One day, you look in the mirror,
and you laugh,
oh my goodness,
what a great laugh of relief.

If your as lucky as I was,
there will be two or three people,
they will bend over backwards to understand whats wrong,
they dont leave,
they love with out conditions,
they pray for you,
cry for you,
and pick you up when you fall down.

Those people got me through the worst part of my disorder,
the scariest part,
when I questioned God,
when I was so small i was almost happy with myself,
When I almost dies,
when I was okay with that.

THERE IS HOPE,
no matter how far you are,
there is more than existance,
there is a life to live.

I apoligize for my misconcepted words,
God is bigger and stronger than any demon you have,
unless you feed your demon,
and keep your demon,
and walk him,
and love him,
then God can do nothing with his bigness and strongness,
because you nurture the demon instead of your faith.

People, GOD IS MORE THAN YOU CAN GET ON EARTH!
Why are we playing games?
We''re at the club,
drinking underage,
having sex and babies like rabbits,
smoking,
starving,
self-destructing,
We are searching the world for purpose and completeness.

Don't get me wrong,
No baby is a mistake,
no person is stupid,
but we do some pretty stupid stuff.

God has offered us purpose,
completeness,
unconditional love,
everything we look for!

I can't make you do anything,
but I can advise you to save yourself the heartache,
and give God a shot.

I was hopeless,
I was gone,
I was dead,
I was no one,
and now I'm on a mission,
to make an impact in this world.

You are worth more,
You deserve greatess,
You deserve to be okay,
God deserves you,
but thats your decision.

thank you for your eyes and time.
-andriadawnmcmillen