She curled up next to him, and snuggled in close. His body heat surrounded her, and for a moment she was content. With closed eyes, drifting into a light sleep, it all came rushing back to her.
Three guys, pushing, shoving, and yelling. All she could do was scream. They were all so much bigger than her. “No! Stop it!” was all she could manage to sputter up in the madness. Sobbing, screeching, she watched them laugh. “She wants it! She wants you to take it!” The tan one muttered.
She fought with all the might she could muster, but it was useless. She was in the passenger seat of their truck, in an unfamiliar pasture, in a situation she led herself into. Absolutely helpless, she lay there as one guy in the back seat held her down. The driver helped strip her clothing as the third guy had his way. He took all she had left, robbed her of the last of her innocence.
The pain seared. Mentally, Physically, emotionally, she couldn’t fight anymore. As the three guys switched up, she silenced her screams, let her body go limp, and let the tears flow. Each boy had a turn, and once they were satisfied they agreed to drp her off on the road where she stayed.
She was living with her mother and her fiancé for the summer, in a new town, with no friends and no form of contact. Some of the local boys knew her mum, and so she confided in them as friends. She had snuck out to go to a fight with them, when she realized something was terribly wrong.
Walking up her dark, deserted road, she wept. She had to find a way to forgive them with time. They had connections, and this getting out could cause her mother great trouble around town. So that was it. It was her own little secret of a devastating theft.
Now alone in her current room, she was without her father’s comfort. Soaked in her own blood, she wouldn’t let herself believe it was anyone’s fault but her own. Tucking it away, painting on a smile, she was thirteen and all grown up. She hated herself for what she’d let herself become, and do anything to forget about it.
As a single warm tear fell down her cheek, she began to fall into her eating disorder once again. It had always been there, and always been easily triggered. Wrapped tightly with the love of her life, she knew her past must remain her past. Forgiveness is key, though it’d never rid her of the internal pain.
His arms cradled her now, and all was simply perfect for a single moment. With newfound salvation, she would grow for her traumatizing experiences. All would remain perfect as long as they were together, through God and God alone.
By: Andria Dawn McMillen
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