Trembling with fear, she knelt down once more. A long night spent bent over a toilet was not how she had hoped to spend summer vacation. Stomach acid ate away at her esophagus, yet she forcedly continued.
Who was she becoming? How had this consumed her? What happened to a couple diet pills and a happy life? No, Satan doesn’t stop at borderline. Satan works with extremes, and she was most certainly extremely consumed.
The water was running, the scale waited, and her throat burned. She hadn’t even eaten today, and she ran all afternoon until she couldn’t stand. Why did this seem so necessary? As she stood bare on her scale it read 90 lbs. Tears streamed down her face, why was nothing good enough? Lifting the sheet that hid her bathroom mirror, she tied a plastic string tight around her waist to cut into her stomach should it bloat out.
There was a knock on the door. “Adeline? Are you alright?” It was her gullible father. “Yes sir, just getting a late night bath to ease my muscles and calm my nerves.” When there was no reply Adie clothed herself and walked into her bedroom. It was late into the night, but she fixed a cup of coffee to up her metabolism.
The next day came with out a wink of sleep, and Adie stayed in a constant state of utter obsession. She logged into her online community of people like herself, and spent the morning sharing tips with others. As the day was at its hottest Adie decided to go for a run, the sweat may help her lose an extra pound. She’d run until she passed out, if she hadn’t passed out it wasn’t enough.
Once inside, she took a razor to her stomach. Maybe she could cut the fat off… “I HATE ME!” She screamed out in her house all alone. She cried and cried at her fingers searched to feel the bones protruding from her skin. “God… I can’t find myself to reach for you…” Her sobs did her no good.
This was hers, and she wouldn’t give it up, no matter how badly she wanted to. Nothing but black coffee and diet pills today, yet that night was spent over the toilet again. The scale read 88 lbs, and she was still not content. Why would no one help her? Why could no one see?
She yearned for someone to force her in to help, to get so bad off that she’d either die or someone would have to help. She wouldn’t allow herself to ask for it, to scream for it, this demon commanded her to stay consumed. If she kept this routine up, if she reached her goals, she could have herself back. Adie knew it wasn’t true, that she was killing herself and hurting everyone around her. She knew it would never be enough without God, but she couldn’t stop. She had the slightest chance of being okay, and that was enough to keep her reaching for impossible goals. 82 lbs, 74 lbs, 62 lbs.
Adie couldn’t feel, she could barely speak or move. She was anything but herself, and her mind wouldn’t stop. The way she berated herself and obsessed never ceased, and she wouldn’t give it up, she didn’t know how.
“Please God, please, I can’t find me, allow someone to find me, let someone lead me to you God, I’m so scared.” Adie was 85lbs, and falling apart. She was lost, scared alone.
Who are we to watch her, and not allow God to use us to save her? We are the body!
God wants to use us! So you’re scared? Uncomfortable? That doesn’t matter. Open your heart to God, and let his glory shine. There are so many dying souls out there, and its our fault for not trying to save them. Be the body, allow God to use you.
By: Andria Dawn
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