Fall Arives

Mmmm.
Cool mornings,
cooler evenings,
sweaters,
colored leaves that fall,
seasonal depression,
colds,
runny noses,
AMAZING inspiration.

God moves me in the fall weather,
the season I struggle the most,
transitioning from happy sunny skies,
to the sad cool breeze.

In my weakness,
He is made strong.
My struggles bring out the best in me,
and I feel like a writer again.

Yes,
I am a writer.
One day,
I will be a published writer.
I am determined.

Dreams,
for me they never end.
They grow,
and they multiply.
I know exactly what I want,
I WILL get it.

Today,
words have consumed me,
meaningless,
leading no where,
and here I am,
sharing them,
wasting your time.

I apologize for that.
Quick update,
I have become less concerned with my body,
further away from my eating disorder,
but the most triggering time of the year is sneaking up,
so please,
prayer warriors,
pray strong.

College is bearable.
Life is continuing.
I just believe I can do more than this.
I am more than this.

Stay blessed,
stay reading,
there is much better to come,
I promise!

Thank you for your eyes and time.
-andriadawn

I lied

I said you never get over an eating disorder entirely.
I lied.
God can do anything,
everything.
What I was implying,
You can recover,
no doubt,
but there are always triggers.
You have to fight that,
you have to chose to fall back or stand strong.

My fault is how easily I fall back.
Its not a pill you can take,
you don't get well or get over it,
you fight a brutal war,
you set your ship to sail,
and when the wind starts to tip you over,
you adjust your sails.

One day, you look in the mirror,
and you laugh,
oh my goodness,
what a great laugh of relief.

If your as lucky as I was,
there will be two or three people,
they will bend over backwards to understand whats wrong,
they dont leave,
they love with out conditions,
they pray for you,
cry for you,
and pick you up when you fall down.

Those people got me through the worst part of my disorder,
the scariest part,
when I questioned God,
when I was so small i was almost happy with myself,
When I almost dies,
when I was okay with that.

THERE IS HOPE,
no matter how far you are,
there is more than existance,
there is a life to live.

I apoligize for my misconcepted words,
God is bigger and stronger than any demon you have,
unless you feed your demon,
and keep your demon,
and walk him,
and love him,
then God can do nothing with his bigness and strongness,
because you nurture the demon instead of your faith.

People, GOD IS MORE THAN YOU CAN GET ON EARTH!
Why are we playing games?
We''re at the club,
drinking underage,
having sex and babies like rabbits,
smoking,
starving,
self-destructing,
We are searching the world for purpose and completeness.

Don't get me wrong,
No baby is a mistake,
no person is stupid,
but we do some pretty stupid stuff.

God has offered us purpose,
completeness,
unconditional love,
everything we look for!

I can't make you do anything,
but I can advise you to save yourself the heartache,
and give God a shot.

I was hopeless,
I was gone,
I was dead,
I was no one,
and now I'm on a mission,
to make an impact in this world.

You are worth more,
You deserve greatess,
You deserve to be okay,
God deserves you,
but thats your decision.

thank you for your eyes and time.
-andriadawnmcmillen

be great

I see that phrase everywhere here.
Be great.
I am in no way promoting Jones,
I believe most everything here is overrated,
but I have always wanted to be great!

When I was small,
I  was confused,
about life and the people in and out of mine.
II always yearned to be great.

My idea of greatness was always different than the other kids.
We would play super hero games,
and I would always wanted the smallest,
most insignificant super power.
I thought I could take something everyone thought was nothing,
and make it into something amazing.
The up side to that tactic,
I was different from everyone.
Everyone wanted to do and be the most popular.
I wanted to be small,
so I could show everyone that the small things matter.

That idea has followed me.
Now I want to be small,
and make known my flaws,
so that they can see God shine through them.

I used to find greatness in silly things,
I identified myself by them,
yearning to mold myself to the ideas in my head.

A single mother, devoted and loving,
A strong individual,
A beautiful heart through hardship,
An underpaid job making big differences,
Someone standing through a storm,
Better yet,
Someone fighting through a storm,

I find the broken people beautiful,
and I have great respect for people putting forth effort.
Those things define greatness.

I now envision big things,
HUGE things.

I am getting my PhD in Social work,
Yes,
lowly social work.
Of course I will work with the system for a while.
Ultimately,
I want to get involved with a nonprofit organization,
I want to make it HUGE.
I want to reinvent the orphanage,
I want to reach out to broken people everywhere,
I want to give everyone a chance to be great.

Offer food and clothing,
Offer housing,
Offer social services,
Stability,
Love,
The things we all need.

I want to be great.
No so much [I] want to be great,
as I want [God] to be great in me.

There is a comment box here
So help curb my curiosity,
what do you see greatness as???