I lied

I said you never get over an eating disorder entirely.
I lied.
God can do anything,
everything.
What I was implying,
You can recover,
no doubt,
but there are always triggers.
You have to fight that,
you have to chose to fall back or stand strong.

My fault is how easily I fall back.
Its not a pill you can take,
you don't get well or get over it,
you fight a brutal war,
you set your ship to sail,
and when the wind starts to tip you over,
you adjust your sails.

One day, you look in the mirror,
and you laugh,
oh my goodness,
what a great laugh of relief.

If your as lucky as I was,
there will be two or three people,
they will bend over backwards to understand whats wrong,
they dont leave,
they love with out conditions,
they pray for you,
cry for you,
and pick you up when you fall down.

Those people got me through the worst part of my disorder,
the scariest part,
when I questioned God,
when I was so small i was almost happy with myself,
When I almost dies,
when I was okay with that.

THERE IS HOPE,
no matter how far you are,
there is more than existance,
there is a life to live.

I apoligize for my misconcepted words,
God is bigger and stronger than any demon you have,
unless you feed your demon,
and keep your demon,
and walk him,
and love him,
then God can do nothing with his bigness and strongness,
because you nurture the demon instead of your faith.

People, GOD IS MORE THAN YOU CAN GET ON EARTH!
Why are we playing games?
We''re at the club,
drinking underage,
having sex and babies like rabbits,
smoking,
starving,
self-destructing,
We are searching the world for purpose and completeness.

Don't get me wrong,
No baby is a mistake,
no person is stupid,
but we do some pretty stupid stuff.

God has offered us purpose,
completeness,
unconditional love,
everything we look for!

I can't make you do anything,
but I can advise you to save yourself the heartache,
and give God a shot.

I was hopeless,
I was gone,
I was dead,
I was no one,
and now I'm on a mission,
to make an impact in this world.

You are worth more,
You deserve greatess,
You deserve to be okay,
God deserves you,
but thats your decision.

thank you for your eyes and time.
-andriadawnmcmillen

another night...

Well.  Here I am. At home another night alone.
Granted, I have amazing friends.
I was invited to hang out tonight.
But, that who push people away thing lingers on.

I don't want to,
but I do...
I really want to hang out,
laugh,
do nails and make up,
have a great time.
The knots in my stomach stop me.
I don't feel entirely comfortable,
and I bail.

I am such a loser.
A loser that has no friends.
And that is totally my fault.

Mmmmmm.
Passion.
What I wouldn't do to figure out what it is i'm supposed to with it.
So much,
pouring out of my ears,
getting me involved in countless things I think are good causes.

I wish I could wave a wand and be normal.
Normal...
What is normal?
Who decides what is and isn't socially acceptable.

Death, murder, natural causes,
all socially acceptable to speak about.
"Mr. and Mrs.'s daughter died in a car accident."
-lots of ooh's and promises to pray-
"My brother passed away."
-Many condolences and pre-cooked meals-

"My best friend killed herself."
-silence-
Suicide is not socially acceptable.
But it affects others the same, if not worse,
so shouldn't it be talked about more often?

Society.
Take it at it's worst, love it at it's best.
Hmmm.

Well guys,
I'm babbling.
Thank you.
For lending me your eyes.

I'll let you lose, to do something better with your lives.

God Bless
-andriadawn